How to ask a friend to pay you back without making it awkward

Luis Zunzunegui, founder of HEY!Money · Published 3 November 2026

A good way to ask for your money back is a private message that states the amount, what it was for and a specific date. For example: “Hi Ana, could you send me the €30 for Saturday’s dinner before Friday?” A message like that is clear, blames nobody and leaves room to reply. But knowing what to say doesn’t always make it easy to hit send.

You paid for dinner, bought the tickets or covered the cost of a trip upfront. Part of it still needs to come back to you, and the question arrives: do I mention it today or wait a bit longer?

In an exploratory survey of adults living in Spain, commissioned by HEY!Money, 46% of respondents said they had put off or avoided a first request to be paid back because it felt awkward.^[1] The situation we asked about could be a loan or someone’s outstanding share of an expense shared with family, a partner or friends.

The answers point to an everyday difficulty that deserves attention: the effort of asking for something back that you’ve already paid for.

Asking a friend for money: what we found in the survey

71% had had a repayment or shared expense outstanding at some point in the previous twelve months. We asked them about their most recent situation.

Among those who had been in that situation:^[2]

• 65% put off or avoided asking to be paid back because it felt awkward.
• 62% had to remind the other person or follow up at least once; 24% did so several times.
• 45% put off or avoided sending another reminder because asking again felt uncomfortable.

These are answers to different questions, so the same person may appear in several of these figures. Nor do they mean that everyone gave up on the money. The survey asked about delaying or avoiding a request, not about writing a debt off for good.

Small amounts can feel awkward too

This isn’t only about big loans. The questionnaire explicitly included small amounts, such as someone’s share of a pizza, a meal or an order.

Among those who said their most recent situation involved less than €50, 69% had put off or avoided asking to be paid back because it felt awkward.^[3]

This result describes that specific group. It doesn’t show that small debts are more awkward than large ones. It does show that, among those who responded, the difficulty also came up when the amount was small.

An expense can be small and still deserve a clear conversation about how to split it.

Talking about money and asking to be paid back are different things

In the same survey, 60% had talked about repayments or shared expenses in the previous week. In addition, 68% recalled money coming up, even briefly, in at least three of their last ten conversations with people close to them.^[4]

That last figure is an estimate from memory: we didn’t measure real conversations or the time spent on each topic. But the answers paint a familiar picture. Money comes up in everyday conversation and, for some participants, asking to be paid back is still uncomfortable.

How to remind a friend about money they owe with a clear message

These suggestions are practical communication tips; they are not methods whose effectiveness we tested in the survey.

1. Say how much is outstanding and what it was for

A specific message saves the other person from having to look up or guess the amount.

For example:

“Hi! Your €18 from Friday’s dinner is still outstanding. Could you send it over this week?”

This is an illustrative example, not a quote from a survey respondent. You can adjust the tone to suit your relationship while keeping the amount and the reason.

2. Suggest a date and leave room to reply

If you never agreed when the money would be paid back, you can bring it up now:

“Would sometime before Friday work for paying it back? If you need a different date, just let me know and we’ll note it down.”

In our survey, 13% of those who had been in a repayment situation had not agreed on a deadline.^[2] Setting one gives you both a shared reference point for the next reminder.

3. If you need to follow up, go back to what you agreed

A second message can focus on what’s outstanding and check in about the date:

“Just a reminder about the €18 from dinner. We said this week. Does that still work for you, or do you need to change the date?”

It helps to tell the difference between someone forgetting, a disagreement about the amount and difficulty paying. The survey can’t tell us which of these explains any particular outstanding repayment.

4. Keep a record of what’s been paid and what’s outstanding

When there are several expenses or people involved, noting who paid, how much each person owes and what has been paid back gives everyone a common reference. It could be a note, a spreadsheet or a tool for managing shared expenses.

Why HEY!Money exists

HEY!Money is designed to keep track of who owes what and make it easier to send reminders. You can record a debt or a shared expense and choose how to send a HEY when you want to remind someone.

The money is paid back outside the app, via Bizum (a Spanish mobile payment service), bank transfer or cash. HEY!Money doesn’t move your money or need your bank login details. The person receiving the reminder doesn’t need to install the app. You can see how it works on the HEY!Money website.

The survey helps explain why we work on this problem. It doesn’t show that using the app guarantees you’ll get paid or that it removes the awkwardness. What we offer is a place to record what’s outstanding and a way to send the reminder whenever you decide to.

Got an expense to split or a repayment to remind someone about? Add your first debt in HEY!Money.

Frequently asked questions about asking for money you’re owed

How do I ask a friend to pay me back?

You can start with a private message that includes the amount, the expense and a suggested date. If they can’t pay by then, ask for an alternative date that’s clear to both of you.

How can I remind someone about a debt without sounding aggressive?

Describe what’s outstanding and what you agreed, without assuming anything about their intentions. “There’s €18 left from dinner, could you send it on Friday?” makes a clear, specific request.

Does HEY!Money collect the money for me?

HEY!Money helps you record debts and send reminders. Payment happens outside the app, by whatever method you agree on. It doesn’t guarantee you’ll be paid back.